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Improve Your Sex Life: The Man’s Guide
If you’re reading this article, there’s a good chance you’re worried that your sex life isn’t as good as it could be and that you have hope to improve your sex life. Lots of guys worry that their vitality and vigor have diminished with age.
The good news is that you have the ability to reverse the trend. However, improving your sex life requires more than simply knowing how to turn her on or lengthening the time before orgasm. To truly improve your sex life, you’ll need to understand what makes men and women tick.
Understanding How Your Sex Life Evolves Throughout Your Lifespan
It’s normal for men to begin thinking about sex before puberty sets in and continue thinking about it until they are at the end of life. However, sexual health does evolve over time. This is due to changes in testosterone levels throughout a man’s life, as well as individual factors such as underlying health problems, lifestyle issues, and the use of certain medications.
As soon as puberty sets in, boys often find that they have difficulty not thinking about sex. This stage of life is also marked by a lack of control—boys may acquire erections at awkward times, for example. As men grow older, they develop greater control, but they may sometimes become more sexually frustrated if they feel that their sex life isn’t up to par or that they have trouble connecting intimately with their partner.
For women, the onset of menopause marks an abrupt drop in estrogen, which is accompanied by a corresponding drop in sex drive. But for men, it’s different. Men go through a very gradual decline in testosterone that typically begins around age 40. After this point, testosterone levels drop about 1% per year. This means that most men, barring any sexual dysfunction, will maintain a healthy sex drive well past the midlife mark. The average guy at age 55 can expect about another 15 years of sexual activity (with an additional five to seven years for men in excellent health), according to the British Medical Journal.
Older men often find themselves in a difficult situation when it comes to sex, largely due to cultural stereotypes. American culture tends to desexualize older adults. When older adults are thought of in this light, it’s typically negative—such as the stereotype of the “dirty old man.” But older guys—and women—can still enjoy a healthy, active sex life. In fact, doing so is important for overall wellness and quality of life. Later in life, men tend to be more confident and sexually experienced, and so the quality of the interaction tends to improve.
Exploring the Differences Between the Male and Female Sex Drive
Men are most definitely different from women when it comes to sex. Compared to women, men tend to:
- Think about sex more often
- Want to have sex more often
- Masturbate more often
A man’s sex drive is largely based on visual stimuli. Men can easily get turned on by looking at a body that they find attractive. In contrast, it’s often said that a woman’s sex drive is located in her brain, not her genitals. Women need emotional and mental stimuli to get turned on. For a woman, it’s more important to feel supported and loved.
The differences in men’s and women’s sex drives may be explainable with evolutionary psychology. Evolutionary psychology examines how humans have evolved over time, and how the needs and living conditions of early humans have influenced how modern humans behave.
In applying evolutionary psychology to the issue of libido, you’ll see that men have a greater need to have sex more often—they want to pass on their genetic material to the next generation. In contrast, it’s more important for women to carefully choose their mates. Since they are the ones who carry the pregnancy to term and put the most effort into caring for the baby, women naturally are more selective about when they have sex and whom they have it with.
Of course, there are exceptions, and evolutionary psychology doesn’t completely explain the differences in a man’s and woman’s sex drive. It’s also worth noting that a man’s sex drive may change over time. Younger guys tend to be far more physical and visual. Watching the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show is likely more than enough to turn on a younger guy. But as he matures and settles into a relationship, an older man is likely to find that emotional intimacy and connectedness are major turn-ons. As men grow older, affection becomes more important.
Recognizing the Importance of Connecting Intimately with Your Partner
If you feel like your sex life has dried up over the years, there are some steps you can take to put the spark back in your relationship. Remember that women need to feel supported and loved. For many women, a man taking the time to take the trash out or get the car washed is as important for emotional intimacy as cuddling.
When men think about emotional intimacy, they often think that all women want roses, romantic music, and candlelit dinners at fancy restaurants. While these things can indeed be turn-ons for some women, most women will place a higher value on loving gestures that don’t cost a cent—like watching the sunset together or helping with the dishes without being asked. It’s these little gestures that can help partners grow closer together, no matter how long they’ve already been together.
Identifying the Top Sex Mistakes Men Make
No matter how old you are and sexually experienced you are, there is a good chance you’re making a few mistakes in the bedroom do not improve your sex life. There’s also a good chance that your partner won’t tell you what you’re doing wrong since she doesn’t want to make you feel criticized. Here’s a look at some of the most common sex mistakes men make:
- Failure to communicate: Men often assume that what feels good for them will also feel good for their partners. They also assume that their partner will continue to get turned on by the same things year after year. The failure to communicate in the bedroom is one of the most common mistakes. Bedroom communication doesn’t have to be time-consuming and tedious. Just ask, “Does that feel good?” from time to time.
- Skipping foreplay: Since men can get turned on quickly, they often assume that women can too. However, women typically need foreplay to get sexually aroused. If you’re meeting her for a quickie during your lunch break and there isn’t much time for foreplay, spend the morning sending flirtatious texts to get her in the mood.
- Failure to experiment: Experimentation means different things for different people. If your partner is having trouble reaching orgasm during sex, you may need to try something different. For example, women tend to have more orgasms during oral sex than vaginal sex. Some women prefer to be on top, while others like to incorporate vibrators into the fun.
In addition, don’t assume that what worked for your last sexual partner will work for your next one. Every woman has different likes and dislikes.
Knowing When to Talk to a Professional
Since men typically have a stronger sex drive than the average woman, they often feel embarrassed when they’re experiencing a low libido. But you should know that this happens to many men. In some cases, it may indicate an underlying health issue that your doctor can treat so you can improve your sex life.
It’s time to talk to your doctor if you have had a persistently low libido that interferes with your sex life and affects your quality of life. Some of the possible causes of a low libido in men include the following:
- Endocrine disorder: These can affect hormone levels.
- Stress and depression: Performance anxiety is also a common problem. Check out our other blog on how to reduce stress so you can sleep better.
- Medications: Some common drugs can affect your sex drive. Don’t stop taking a prescribed drug unless your doctor recommends it. Your doctor may switch you to an alternative.
- Low testosterone: A gradual decline with age is normal, but a sudden drop is not, and it’s treatable.
- Sleep apnea: Many men with sleep apnea also have low testosterone levels. Consider getting yours checked if you have this sleep disorder.
It’s worth noting that smoking and heavy alcohol consumption can also affect your sex drive—not to mention your overall health. Talk to your doctor to get help quitting.
Are you interested in exploring more ways to get back in control of your health and improve your overall quality of life? Check out Dr. John Shufeldt’s latest book, The Real Man Plan. It can help you embrace your masculinity, enjoy better energy and focus, and live longer. And be sure to check out our blog for informative posts on personal growth, exercise, nutrition, and more!
John Shufeldt, MD, JD, MBA, FACEP is an emergency physician by avocation and entrepreneur at heart. He is an author, speaker, serial student, airline transport pilot and multidisciplinary entrepreneur, who has founded and operated several multi-million-dollar businesses.
Throughout all of his endeavors, John has maintained a relentless drive to help people rescript their future and reach their full potential.
His multifaceted experience as a physician, attorney, speaker and entrepreneur gives him rare insight into what makes a business succeed.
Over the years, John has come to realize that successful businesses don’t just happen. They succeed as a result of strong leadership, learning from failures and a well-executed business plan. An efficient organization is built on lean practices, proactive teams, a positive work environment and a solid foundation for continued growth.